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FLAN MAIL

An homage to the late, great Hubert "Cubby" Selby, Jr.

What the fuck. thought RAY as he hurried up the slope out of the theatre Towards the exit sign.. why can/t a movie have just one friggin ending fer Chrissakes. he mumbled as he raced out.. my bladder/s about to burst. RAY said as he pushed open the men/s room door..

Ahh. he hissed as he marched to the nearest urinal --- the one furthest Away --- the one That there was no chance of the next man to enter Winding up next to him and his urinal.. he was the first one in. RAY liked How the sting of the bright antiseptic bathroom light felt on his eyes after Two + hours in the darkened theatre..

As he pissed like a race horse RAY heard the door open again.. he Glanced back quickly over his shoulder.. just a little kid.. maybe 9.. maybe 10.. RAY turned back to the business at hand..

He was aiming his stream into one of the small holes in the white urinal Freshener when someone said. 20 bucks. in a demanding voice.. RAY Continued to piss --- figuring the kid/s dad must have followed him in and The kid just wanted popcorn money.. christ. popcorn must have gotten Expensive. thought RAY.. that was until he heard the request repeated And from quite close by.. so close it was making RAY very uncomfortable..

20 bucks. said the kid to an astonished RAY who was now hurrying to Finish.. or i go out there and tell the theatre manager that that man….. And here the kid paused dramatically as if he/d rehearsed and pointed a Wavering finger directly at RAY/S sunken chest.. he asked me to hold his Thing as stuff came out. the kid shut his smarmy little mouth. the smirk Was far worse..

Knock it off kid. said RAY and he zipped up but didn/t move.. the kid was Crowding him into the stall..

20 bucks or i start screaming. said the kid..

This isn/t funny. said RAY meaning it..

20bucks. said the kid. because any second that door/s gonna open and i/ll Have my witness. said the kid as he reached down towards his own fly..

I/m leaving..

It/s only 20 bucks man..

Why do you need it so bad.? don/t you have an allowance.? said RAY Forcing a rictus smile..

Who are you.? richie fucking cunningham.? said the kid.. an allowance.?

The kid must have come out the same godawful milquetoast ron howard Movie.. christ. thought RAY. that/s the last time i ever go see another ron Howard movie. you forget about them the moment you get to your van.. christ. he/d forgotten it already and he wasn/t even in the parking lot yet.. But there were extenuating circumstances in this case your honor..

20 bucks. said the kid taking RAY away from his revelry. or i scream..

Eventually everyone will find out the truth.. they/ll all know about you. Said RAY..

That gave the kid pause.. he paused.. then the smirk came back full blast.. The kid said. true but by then your life will already be ruined..

RAY had to concede the point.. he grabbed his wallet quickly and flipped It open --- a flash of green..

Without missing a beat the kid said. 40 bucks..

RAY slid the bills forward with his middle and index fingers.. the kid/s Eyes were lighting up as he reached for his windfall..

He never saw RAY/S other hand come up out of his jacket pocket with the Chloroform covered rag..

RAY dragged the kid to a stall quickly and slammed the door --- locked it.. RAY put some of those paper toilet seat covers down and then sat on Them. he pulled the kid up onto his lap so that only one set of feet would Show.. RAY knew from experience that there/d be a run of men pissing Either before or after their movie.. then there would be a lull..

RAY lived for that lull..

Then he/d have his time with the kid..

Then he/d have time to get his 40 bucks worth..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ó Brian Mazo 2008

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